"Life is much like an endless waltz, the beats of war, peace, and revolution will continue on forever."
- Mariemaia ~ Gundam Wing Endless Waltz
I've been pretty busy the past few weeks. This is gonna be one long post.
SPM results are out. Everyone's cheering, they're happy.
Well, not everyone, though.
Not everyone gets straight A+s.
Not everyone gets straight As, for that matter.
Not everyone gets even an A-, too.
Not everyone is capable of achieving a scholarship for their outstanding results.
Not everyone will take this issue lightly.
Not everyone will stay optimistic about their futures.
Not everyone will feel the same way they did anymore in their classes.
Out of the above, I satisfy ALL. I am in a class of aspiring doctors, where I dare say 95% of the class are straight A students, complete with a few geniuses thrown in. I dare say that I'm probably the lowest in my class right now. Its alright, I deserve it in a way. I've always been a carefree person. I go with the flow. Never really cared about anything much.
I could only stare at my result chit that my principal had handed me. And why? I'd gotten:
A+ ~ EnglishA ~ MathA ~ Add mathA- ~ BiologyA+ ~ PhysicsB+ ~ ChemistryB+ ~ ESTC ~ BMC ~ MoralC+ ~ Sejarah
I never expected Cs for those 3 subjects. At least Bs would suffice? I was devastated. I was aghast. I couldn't face anyone anymore. Everything felt meaningless. My mind instantly drowned out any shred of encouragement the people around me gave me.
They'd tell me that I did alright, that my results were pretty good. My own parents even gave me the same encouragement, stating that the core subjects being the 2 math and 3 sciences were all that matters since I was in a pure science streamed class in Taylor's anyway.
Still, I shielded myself from everyone's optimistic encouragements. I lightened up when one of my friends, Daniel told me this:
"Look, this was your ticket into Taylor's, and you've got it. Its not gonna affect your TER in any way, so just go with it and work harder for the course itself!"
Daniel achieved 3As. He had that sort of optimism which I didn't.
I continued being stubborn despite my friends' uplifting words. I always was an obstinate person anyways. How could they all understand? You're stuck with people whom you ask:
"So, you got straight As?"
and they answer:
"No la, I only got 8A+s and 2As."
For Christ's sake, its still an A! If it were me, it wouldn't have mattered if I'd gotten A-s for every single subject. And what about them discussing about the Tan Sri Loy Hean Heong Merit Scholarship in front of you? Its pretty demoralising too. And you have the feeling that they don't treat you the way they used to anymore. Their perspectives have changed on you.
Maybe its just natural to feel this way. Just for a few days more. I don't know if I'm deluding myself by thinking I did fine for my core subjects. I have no idea if I'll be able pull through my course. But one thing's for sure, I haven't given up yet. I realise that no matter how much I mull over the past, its not going to change anything. I have to pick myself up and move on.
I know some of you guys may be reading this, and I don't want you to misunderstand. I appreciate the advice and help you all are giving to me. I'm not offended by you guys talking about the results and scholarship plans in front of me. And I hope you guys aren't offended by this post of mine too. I just feel like releasing my emotions over here, and that's that. There's no need to react differently towards me after reading this post, ok? I still love you, G8. You're a bunch of wonderful people. =)
I want to take this opportunity to thank Qasyaff and Ali who cheered me up tonight by playing a couple of StarCraft matches with me. Especially the one where I built NOTHING but photon cannons to destroy every single player in there. The download link for the replay can be found below. Just save it into your "replay" folder and load it in StarCraft.
Thanks, you guys. =D
I'm off.
- StarCraft replay download link ~ IceSky
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